Paying it Forward

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 Finally, I am proud to post this entry from my dear friend, LaRita Archibald. 

I met her at my sister’s home just weeks after Bob’s death.

This is the lady who gave me the written materials – and moral support – to start our SOS group in 1988, and has been an inspiration all along.

Every survivor who has ever been helped by this group owes a big thank you to

La Rita Archibald .   Jeri 

On September 12, 2006, my world came crashing down when I came home from work to find my 18 year old son Jordan alone in his bedroom. He had taken his life. 

The shock and devastation

of losing my only child in that manner changed me forever. The darkness that followed took many years to find the light again but I have.

I prayed for a very long time

that God would find a way

to use me to come alongside others

in a similar situation to help them in any way I could to find comfort, hope and healing after such a tragedy. 

Finally, my prayers were answered and I was asked by my pastor to lead a grief support group at my church. We are up to about 15 people now in our group and it has been amazing to witness them supporting each other and lifting each other up in their grief and begin to find joy once again.

Our group is called ‘Anchored in Hope’ and is dedicated to the memory of my son Jordan Daniel Hillman, a child of God who is so loved and so missed. For more information about our group, go to GriefShare.org Aliso Viejo, Ca. 

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My story of living with the loss

of someone by suicide began in 2011. January, 2011 and August, 2011 –

I lost my mother and boyfriend. 

My journey has been a slow process

lasting 8 years - from extreme low to joy.

I learned never to waste a pain,

so I joined AFSP

(American Foundation for Suicide Prevention) 

I began by walking for prevention,

and then joined the board.

As a board member,

I was assigned Grief and Healing.

This process has taught me to

“move through my grief

"versus “getting over.”

My prayer for everyone

who has suffered from a suicide loss-

Is to be free from the chains of blame,

“why “and “what could I have done?”.

God Bless

Maria Rienzo

Laura DePersis, Anthony's mom, has been  attending SOS  regularly with her husband Pete since October of 2017.  At our February 16 group, she surprised me with this beautiful quilt …a real

“Work of Heart.”

Every square is a meaningful gift to me,  each representing either a saying, a statistic or fact that she has heard or learned while coming to SOS (or copied from our website.) 

The phone at the top with the caption “This is Jeri. Are you okay?"

is an acknowledgment of the

‘checking in’ I do from time to time

with our members.

She even drew my husband Bob’s face from a picture in the gallery!

A very touching surprise.

There are no words for me to tell Laura how much this means to me,

and I know the amount of time and effort that goes into producing a quilt.

THANK YOU, LAURA AND PETE,

for  the support you give Gary and me, and the care you show your friends

and fellow survivors.

Anthony can be very proud.

Love, Jeri

And thank you to my granddaughter Kendra – some of you know her from the Candlelite Services. Those are her cute little fingers holding up the quilt for this photo opp.

Suicide was an uncommon occurrence in 1978 when my 24-year-old son, Kent, ended his life. A clergy’s response to my concern for Kent’s soul was, “It’s best to put this behind you as quickly and quietly as possible”.

The counselors I sought were interested in the circumstance of Kent’s death but had no understanding of my anguish or grief needs. When I learned the American Association of Suicidology would convene in Denver in early 1979, I knew I must attend. I was certain that among this gathering of great mental health minds there would be one able to tell me why my son had killed himself. And surely, there would be someone who would understand my grief, assure my sanity and direct my mourning.

I found neither. However, from the seven survivors attending the conference’s only suicide survivor session I met another mother grieving her son’s suicide. The two of us spent hours sharing and comparing our woundedness, our sense of unmet responsibility as parents and our fear of the future.  Even though our family situations differed widely I found great comfort sharing with another who truly understood my terrible aloneness and whose words validated the madness I was experiencing as grief.

From our exchange grew my determination that never again would another person surviving suicide loss in my community be without a source of genuine empathy, comfort and encouragement.

I contacted a newly formed help-line volunteering to be a response to any request from someone bereaved by suicide.  The few inquiring callers caused me to consider providing a place where suicide bereaved could share face to face.  When I told my husband of the benefit I thought providing such a setting would be for suicide bereaved he agreed to help me, but with the warning, “I don’t want you to be disappointed if no one comes.”

But they did come!! At our first November 1980 meeting there were two survivors in addition to my husband and I. By Spring 1981 word had spread and there were 19-25 suicide survivors every month who drove from Denver, from Kansas, from Wyoming, and from across the mountains to spend two hours with others who experienced the suffering of suicide loss. And thus HEARTBEAT, among the nation’s first suicide survivor support groups, took root and spread to other communities.

Forty years of study, research, peer counseling, a great amount of prayer and Divine direction, as well as my lived experience, culminated in “Finding Peace Without All The Pieces After A Loved One’s Suicide”. This book offers explanations and answers I so desperately sought after Kent’s death…How Does God View Suicide? 

Understanding How The Cause of Death Impacts Grieving and Healing, Meeting Needs of Suicide Bereaved and more. Other suicide bereaved told of their loss and struggle toward healing in “Finding Peace Without All The Pieces…”  They, like me, wanted to share what they learned,  to offer hope and direction to  those who must walk our bitter road, to assure newly bereaved  that not only would they survive but, with time invested in healthy mourning, they would thrive…that joy, laughter, and a new wholeness of self await beyond the terrible anguish of suicide loss. 

This ministry’s purpose is to help you heal if you have been affected by the trauma of suicide loss.

This 13-week course utilizes the faith-based Trauma Reboot curriculum centered on God, prayer, videos and group sharing to bring healing.

Learn about the next opportunity to join by emailing info@cclb.org or contacting:

Bob Carley

Bcarle2@gmail.com

562-606-4671

Or

Aaron Huffman

Hoof_53@hotmail.com